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Tuesday, November 29, 2005
The Straits Times Friday, November 25, 2005
People should forgive kids for their behaviour
Still in my eyes, my children can do no wrong, and I expect the public to understand, if not forgive, everything they do.
Boon Chin Aun
Kids Learn from mistakes
Most people would help any kid who falls in their path rather than think, “Don’t blame me if I trample on the kid accidentally.”
In a nutshell, keeping the kid at home means that he’ll never learn how to behave in public.
Kayley Ang Yan Ching
After reading the response to Sumiko Tan’s “Suffer the Children” column, I feel very disturbed. Disturbed at how parents can hope to think that their children can be forgiven for everything they do. For one thing, I do not believe that children are completely innocent and unknowing beings. They are capable of the emotions and patterns of interaction that govern any of our lives.
I feel very strongly about issues concerning children as I enjoy working with them in my previous church ministry with the toddlers as well as my four months’ working experience at Chevrons SAF Childcare. Therefore, reading the news on children-related affairs, especially last week’s news sadly reminds me that many parents are incapable of balancing love with discipline.
My toddler cousin Liling is one very good example of what I mean. She understands perfectly the meaning of sibling rivalry, as demonstrated in her occasional outbursts of violent blows on her baby brother Yanfeng’s body. The more her parents tell her it is wrong to hit her brother the more she does it. When her mother makes any attempt to carry the baby, she creates a scene by crying as loudly as she can. It does not help that her parents have failed to socialize her adequately into the acceptance of another family member.
Therefore, in response to Boon Chin Aun’s statement, “Still in my eyes, my children can do no wrong, and I expect the public to understand, if not forgive, everything they do”, I feel this statement is incomplete. This statement can hold if parents have successfully done their parts by being role models for their children. This includes being firm with them and practicing firm discipline when needed. It is said, “Spare the rod and spoil the child”. This statement is so true. The bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, so that when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Sadly, parents in Singapore believe doing away with caning and scolding for fear that these will cause trauma in their children. How many of us have gone through canings and yet have survived to tell our tales? So many of us! Have we turned out to be psychologically damaged beings beyond repair and in need of tender loving care? NO! On the contrary, we remember the stinging pain of the cane strokes and remind ourselves why we got them in the first place. We learn our mistakes through the pain and the punishment. It is the same with learning how to cycle, or lose weight! No pain, no gain! If parents are not willing to let their children learn the hard way, they will come to experience the pain of bringing up cocooned and self-centred beings who will care for themselves only.
What is the ministry of the children? Why do they exist? Children are a blessing, a heritage and a gift from the Lord. Jesus says in Mark 9:37, “Whoever receives one of these little children in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me receives not me but Him who sent Me.” He said this in the context of debating who is the greatest in heaven, to which His reply was a servant is the one with the greatest honour. Children are the littlest of us all. Jesus held a little child close to Him as He spoke these words. He loves little children and so should we, so we ought to welcome these little ones by serving them. Do not get me wrong when I say serve…Service flows out of love. Jesus came to serve us by dying for us so that we may have a relationship with Father God. By serving us, he lost His lifer, but He also gained many fruits. He had the apostles who carried on ministering and telling the world about Jesus. When I say serve the children, it does not mean waiting hand and foot on them. It means doing whatever it takes to bring forth good fruits by teaching them to grow up in the fear of the Lord. This cannot be done if we choose to foolishly put them on the altar and worship them by spoiling them and closing one eye to their mistakes. Let’s all learn something from Eli’s poor parenting. Let’s choose a different route. (1 Samuel 3:11-15)
enlightened apvunsoul- 10:55 PM | 