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Thursday, January 25, 2007
My grandfather passed away today. I miss him. Now I recall all the times when I was in kindergarten school, he fetched me back from school in his khaki coloured car. I'd cry when he came late. The teachers would pacify me with Cadbury chocs. I always succumbed to them. I became a spoilt and selfish brat literally.
In primary 3, my grandfather bought a new water bottle for me. In my fit of anger over the not so attractive design, I threw it to the floor and stomped off. An old man living in a makeshift shack downstairs our nearby block took it away. I regret what I did tremendously. Imagine the hurt and rejection he felt back then. I was such a horrendous bitch back then.
When Ah Kong moved to Sengkang, I rarely visited him. Then one day, Aunt Lydia sent out a mail for Ah Kong to move out to one of the sibling's houses. We brought him to our house. Here, he was well cared for and we fed him to the best we could, despite the fact that he grew senile with the passing of age. He turned on all the lights when it was still early afternoon, and tried to pee outside the corridor.
We took him out for dinner in Dec to celebrate his birthday. I gave Ah Kong part of my bonus and another birthday red packet. I think he treasured it alot because he took out all the cash and displayed the empty red packets neatly lined up on the table. 7 weeks after my return from China, Ah Kong passed away. He looked emaciated and shrivelled as he lay on the bed in TTSH.
I couldn't cry. I didn't. My aunts cried loads. We stayed in the hospital till about 1am.
My Ah Kong was a brave man. He also cared alot for us. He was brave because he lived to tell his stories of the war to his grandchildren. He had a scar left from a vicious stab in the back from the war. I only hope my Ah Kong is in a better place now. Ah Ma must be so heartbroken, but no one is telling her anything. I don't think she can take another blow. This is not going to be a happy new year for me afterall.
enlightened apvunsoul- 6:44 PM |
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Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Yes, it's a long winding(neverending?) road for me. The path of teaching is fraught with so many perils that I've lost count of the countless times I've had to live with insults and abuses hurled at me. Ha ha. Sometimes I think teachers have the thickest skins compared to other people.
Managed to speak to the people who wrote those unpleasant stuff and in my opinion, unjustified and uncalled for comments. Told them I felt very disappointed and heartbroken at the kind of things they write. And asked them if I had ever, to this date, treated the class in an unfair and unworthy manner. They looked down and did not dare to look at me. ..... I feel sad because I really like this class. Remember I said there was only one class that made me look forward to teaching last year? This is the same class I am talking about.
Of course, they do not share the same sentiments as I do. Maybe they are right. Maybe my teaching sucks. Haiz. Either way, I still love them because they are my sweetest class. Obedient, and willing to learn, as compared to my other haughty classes. I hope they can make it for their streaming.
enlightened apvunsoul- 5:36 AM |
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Tuesday, January 23, 2007
I'm so sad. My former form class thinks I'm a joke at teaching. Haiz. And i made the test so super simple..I am so sick of teaching in this place. Pls put me back at ahs.
enlightened apvunsoul- 4:35 AM |
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Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Took one student out after the lesson ended and had a talk with him regarding his behaviour and attitude in class. Told him exactly how I felt about his (rude) attitude towards me within class time and outside of class. Here's the background story. Not revealing names or anything. We held a grave meeting last year to determine if this student could advance to the next level, and I readily opted for him to be promoted because I see no point in holding a student back for one year for failing by 2 percent.
Of course there was a fierce debate back then about whether or not to let him go to the next level. Eventually he was, much to the displeasure of some of the teachers. I happened to follow the class to where they are now, and no I do not regret my decision to want to take them, because despite their rowdiness, some of them catch concepts really fast, and they are still a delight to teach. Even if my outward mannerisms seem to contradict what I type here.
Anyway, I spoke to him and told him why I was unhappy. I told him of the consequences(albeit very unpleasant ones) if he continued in this manner. He just nodded and apologised but I am not sure if he really was repentant. FORGIVE me for the lack of faith I have in my students nowadays. It's just...my heart has been broken countless times that restoration takes alot of faith to hope for. Only time will tell if this batch of students will indeed shine through and pull through their N levels.
Did I also mention that 2.5 years is a long time to await? I'm hanging. I'm quite sure I won;t want to stay on.
enlightened apvunsoul- 4:36 AM |
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Monday, January 15, 2007
Just in case you are thinking...what I am up to....I just wana say that what i do now is not what I dream to do for the rest of my life. Yes, I have a life outside of my bond.And when I have lived past it, I can wake up and go on..move on to find another job.
enlightened apvunsoul- 5:10 AM |
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Friday, January 12, 2007
Today is a gloomy day. It rained heavily. I'm thinking, why can't everyday be a rainy day, so we can all sleep in more and stay away from school. Ha ha. Just joking. The rain sort of lulls people to sleep easily. Anyway, more updates on this gloomy day. I started my first lesson in Sec 4 X. Ha.
As usual, they don't show any sign of genuine repentance, becoming more out of hand and being rowdy. I find it draining to take 5 minutes or so to settle them in order to make sure that they are all listening and paying attention to me. Whee. So remedials was with this class too after school.
Heck about my reputation as a beginning teacher. Now I am wondering, should I not have requested for them in the first place? They don't seem to pulling up their socks and they have no regards whatsoever for me. Passing rude comments to me in class and out of class. I'm past that stage where I have to shout back and don't really have any urge to shout back and defend myself..cos they r just kids. You don;t fight with kids who don't know any better.
Should have allowed the DM to take them instead of me. Haiz. The regrets of yesteryear. Crazy me...thinking I can handle graduating classes...I don't even know what I can or cannot achieve. Rapport-you don't build rapport in one day. Sigh.
Back to form class matters. Sigh. My form class....Having a meeting with them to iron out stuff and issues. On Tuesday during recess. They are teachable..but how long can they be teachable?
enlightened apvunsoul- 5:44 AM |
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Today we had our inaugural PD time. It was a good time to share about concerns on discipline. The one take away point I had was not to get into any sort of power struggle with students, when in a confrontation in class. The last thing any teacher should do is to get involved. I've learnt since to move on with the lesson and deal with the matter at another opportune time.
Not a loaded day for me, but I sort of fumbled my way through the classes. Teaching graduating classes like my Sec 4 NA can prove to so draining. Really. However the feeling is not the same as last year, where I felt ONLY ONE EMOTION-DESPAIR. My tail end class is the rowdiest of the lot of them..but also the most endearing. They are rather harmless except for the fact that they like to joke about my poor name and walk around the class, taking a long time to settle down.
What can you expect from a class with 75%boys in the class. Ha ha. I have since lowered my expectations of them, not expecting them to score. I must add one thing though. This class is certainly the brightest of the lot, despite being the naughtiest. I realise when you lower your expectations, things get easier. Nowadays I find it difficult to get really mad at my classes. Have not raised my voice, unlike in the past where I used to just send them out of class n create even more mayhem.
The P and my RO walked past this class today and they stared for a long long long time. I responded with a smile even as I was teaching, and the P smiled back n walked away. I really hope she comes by more often becos I want my classes to excel...Sadly they don't respect me to that extent that they will shut up and listen to me long enough.
Still, I thank God in all things, for it is not by my strength but His strength that I can do the impossible. Thanks be to God.
enlightened apvunsoul- 12:18 AM |
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Monday, January 01, 2007
Saying goodbye is not always the easiest thing to do, esp when you have grown attached to the job. I like wushu but have been malevolently and schemingly taken out of it due to events and personnel beyond my control and thrown literally into the tinkerbell group. Blah. I will miss you, Wang Bin Lao Shi, and all the kids in wushu.
Signing off for the last time,
Janice
enlightened apvunsoul- 9:22 AM |
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