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Monday, July 31, 2006
I am turning into a ^*^*&##@ teacher. I cannot believe it! What I made my class do today. I made a student cry in the process, though not intended of course. My talkative class went thru a weird punishment today. Each pair sitting next to each other were made to stare at each other for ten minutes. A boy and a girl of course.
Well..I think my form class must think I am losing it. I am. I dun really know what other punishments I can think of at the moment. I only hope my students will not think that I am against them.
Honestly, my form class is not that bad. They are getting impish and naughty, but still adorable. I have become the most hated teacher in my sch, but this does not really matter anymore.
enlightened apvunsoul- 2:27 AM |
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Friday, July 21, 2006
I am almost halfway there now. I have finished four weeks of Term 3, but what have I covered already? Here and there, some progress is being made. Some classes make me feel that teaching is not worth it, and I feel no joy whatsoever, knowing that much of the authority that teachers used to have is now gone. Now, students call the shots. They come and go as they please.
There is no regard for anyone in their eyes. This is totally crazy. I cannot believe how things are turning out, esp with my most notorious classes. Thanks to them my job is now something reduced to that...just a job.
Even my good classes have now become more restless. I wonder why.
enlightened apvunsoul- 3:05 AM |
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Friday, July 14, 2006
As from now, I am switching off. No more hoping for things to get cheery and I really must stop deceiving myself that this is fun and I am getting a kick out of this whole business of moulding lives.
I am sorry. Just as ******** cannot cater to my passion, I cannot cater to ******** neeeds. Math equations are so simple. LHS = RHS. fcuk off now.
enlightened apvunsoul- 5:28 AM |
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Tuesday, July 11, 2006
I envy my colleagues who are having a better time in their schools, unlike mine, a school famous for milking dry the poor beginning teachers. After the HOD came in to scold my class last week, all the colour has drained from my face. I feel like saying..forget it and throw in the towel.
To heck with learning well n coming up with new teaching mthds when my kids dun even appreciate it. This sucks.
Told my ct tt i was depressed about not teaching lit..I really hope they let me teach lit next year. Come on, I am sure I can do it.
*a teary jan*
enlightened apvunsoul- 3:05 AM |
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Friday, July 07, 2006
Sometimes I dun understand why life can be so screwed up. When you teach screwed up kids, naturally the whole day is screwed as well. Ms PK walked into my class today and scolded them for me, kinda like, thks wor, I know I cannot control them.
i wept silent tears on my way to the excel fest. What kind of a fest is it when you never get what you want to do, and people around you are not helping much? I hate it here n i wanna get out. First, I get thrown all the *ahem* classes. Next, some are not willing to share/help or nurture us as BTs. The list goes on and on. Bumped into my ex colleagues at AHS..How i wish i could go over there again and relive my enhanced sch experience days. Pure bliss of teaching lit. Once again. The past is wonderful and glorious. The present is...DEAD.
enlightened apvunsoul- 2:23 AM |
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Saturday, July 01, 2006
I still do not know what my purpose in life is. Someone once told me this, that my purpose does not change even when my job does. In the midst of such a frenzy, what is it that I want to focus on? Is it really to produce results? Or is there something more?
For me, I have come to understand one thing. Grades are not all that is important. Sure, get the job done, produce some form of reasonable output, but more than that, the ability to connect with people around me is more important. That to me, is my defining victory. To be able to step into the most difficult class and yet not be fazed by it. The ability to be there as a human, not a machine.
I dun really wish to say more, but I just want to add one last point..I want to be as a human for my kids, not a machine that they see.
enlightened apvunsoul- 12:15 AM |
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