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Thursday, January 12, 2006
If anyone ever wonders why the title of my blog is "After the Rain There is Sunshine", I'm telling my story in this post. In Chinese, there is this phrase, Yu Guo Tian Qing, which basically means the same thing as the title of my blog. It refers to problems or obstacles that are removed so that life can go on again. This is a reminder (daily) to myself that I may face many things in life that upset me but I always want to get up again so I don't fall forever.
When I blog I really am talking about the things and events in my life and there is no need to fake anything or any emotion that I feel now. Today something happened before lit class that upset me. Probably it is a trivial matter but not to me..it serves to reinforce the FACT that I'm actually turning into an isolated hermit, or maybe I have always been one right from the start!
Here goes.. I walked into class with Liyan today and I was about to put my bag on the seat next to hers. But she replied that she wanted to sit with Chan Ying not with me in what I interpreted as a mildly defensive/joking tone.. Yes I get the picture. Yes I get what you mean, and yes I know I know I have never been close to both of them. I'm just like the Outsiders S E Hinton wrote about. I know I know! WHy does everyone remind me so? Is it so hard to be nice to me? Am I such an unlovable freak?
That is the reason for choosing to work with Raksha and Mas for myself because I know in my mind and in my heart that I'm never in the league anyway. I'll never be a part of their clique or whatever you choose to call it. I'm just a negligible IT. It's a spill over effect from last semester, and I knew right from the start things were not going to go well. I knew I was going to be the loner in my class. I could never gel with the historians and the two geographers exclude me. Well done.
Anyone wanna pop champagne with me to celebrate my isolated status in NIE? I welcome you and I ask you not to judge me. Empathise with me and do not make me feel any worse than i already do. It is kinda hard to stop the rain from falling.
http://www.youtube.com/w/Zu-Wo-Sheng-Ri-Kuai-Le?v=gC7Z0-hki2o&search=landy
enlightened apvunsoul- 2:05 AM | 